Toddlers are extremely busy people and whenever you see them you will find that they have a very keen sense of purpose around them. You will never find a toddler idling away or just relaxing lazily. They are always busy with something. Unlike adults, their motto is “ When awake, do something… Anything.”
Here are a few activities toddlers absolutely swear by:
1. Wearing Clothes : Fight all attempts at clothing you by adults, with all your might and strength. Specially if the clothing in question is a Diaper (cloth or disposable, doesn’t matter) show the bigger & larger human what you are made of by resisting all his / her efforts at trying to hold you still for a few seconds. This is actually a good learning for the adults as they realise in time that no adversary is small, irrespective of apparent size.
2. Random Objects : Play with and proceed to put in mouth all random objects around the house, (apart from toys bought specifically for self) . The dirtier and more unhygeinic it be, the better it tastes probably. E.g. shoes/ brooms/ door mats . Adult should deeply regret buying anything, anything ever at all.
3. Laundry: If you see a pile of dirty laundry, go roll in it. Alternately, if you find a pile of freshly washed, pressed laundry, immediately commence to throw it on the floor and wipe the floor with it. You are helping the adult,; Adult should be proud of you.
4. Gravity : Oh yeah! you love it that gravity exists, Use it. Throw, throw anything and everything from as much height as is possible for you. Throw them off the bed, from the balcony, off the table. Things that respond really well to gravity are Phones, remotes, glasses, cups etc
5. Water : Find all sources of water available in the house, stored or flowing, and ensure to get self and surroundings properly wet & slippery
6. Beds : Beds were built for you to jump off them. Period
7. Food : Any food that you decide to partake of, should first be dropped on the floor and then picked up and eaten. It is a tatse enhancer that silly parents don’t know about
8. Cupboards / Drawers : You are supposed to take out all contents found in any drawer or cupbord ( if you can reach them) and scatter them.
9. Doors : Always keep your senses alert as to the posssibility of doors being opened and you getting away or gaining access (unnoticed) to places which are forbidden to you; e.g. bathrooms/ balconies/ outdoors/ store rooms etc
10. If you see an adult sitting at a higher elevation than you ( on a chair/ bed/ sofa etc) proceed to demand to be picked up. The moment the adult acquiesces use your superhero moves to try to get down or jump down from said elevation. Let the adult put their best efforts to try and save you.
11. If you see any containers / tubes / bottles , contents of which will be very hard to put back once removed( toothpaste/ lotion/ cream/ soap etc), instanly direct all your energies to try and open said container and of course spill the contents. Clening up is an adult’s job ( they should have been careful, eh? )
12. Hazards : Find all potential hazards in the house and try really hard to harm self. Sockets, Sharp objects, Glass items etc should be irresistible to you. After all It is the parent’s duty to keep you alive, not your’s.
13. Toys : Ignore all toys. Toys are produced by toy companies to relieve parent’s of their hard earned money. It is the adults who are fascinated by those silly things, you just keep ignoring them.
PS : I am the not so great mom an almost toddler who is just shy by a month from becoming a toddler but is already showing all the signs of toddlerism. I will document more such toddlerisms as and when I come to realise them. Tally ho till then.
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